It’s sad to say goodbye

It is with a heavy heart that I write this blog.

About ten years ago, a stray and rather wild cat arrived at my back door, I love cats so I popped in the kitchen and bought her out some ham.

She devoured it as though she had not eaten for weeks, I did not touch her, as she looked rather ferocious.  From then on this cat sat outside every morning and waited for me to run the water in the kettle.  Hearing the noise of the tap running she jumped off the table and sat at the back door again devouring the ham like a hungry wolf.


You will know where I am going with this, she moved in!  Slowly though, often wanting to go back out in the evening and sleep in a box we put out in the garden.  She loved the outdoors and often seen off the other cats in the neighbourhood, she had firmly told them this is my mummy now, go away.


Taking her to the vets for the first time was quite a feat; the vets would not touch her due to her being too ferocious.  I guess she was mistreated quite badly and didn’t trust humans, but gradually and very patiently, she was given love. She let me touch her although she fought when picked up.  She would often jump up on the sofa and sit on the arm ~ close but not too close.


The vet in the following years, said what an amazing transformation; to change her from a ferocious tiger into a loving cat.


Then one day she looked dejected, forlorn as though she was in pain.  The vet advised us that she was diabetic and suggested putting her down.   That was not an option for us, I had love, I had time and you wouldn’t put down a human if they were diabetic.

She had been diabetic needing many hospital visits and medication insulin shots before taking a turn with other complications, urinary infection, kidneys packing up etc.


But I fought on, loved her, spoon-fed her and was by her side.  She lost the strength in her back legs and started wobbling when she walked.  She found it difficult to climb stairs but still she wanted to keep going.  When the vets suggested putting her to sleep, she nestled in my arm and said ‘no mummy, not yet’.  So she came home with me.  It was then about four weeks later, things took a turn for the worse, she had difficulty swallowing, difficulty in just walking a foot across the room, I knew I had to be brave.   She loves me, I love her, and she relies on me to do the right thing.


It has been one of the hardest decisions to make but also one of the easiest, as I don’t want her to be in pain.  Her quality of life has gone, she can’t enjoy running around and looks so forlorn.  I think she knows, it is her time, to go to heaven and meet her friends.    My tears fall on her soft coat and she nestles into me, she knows she was so loved.


Death is horrible; it eats away at your heart and causes endless tears.  But she will be happier and they can mend her in heaven and make her well again.


She has a favourite tree in the garden and I will put her ashes under the tree with rose petals.


When you love someone and they are gone, the pain hurts so much it is difficult to function.  But I am left with such happy memories and will always carry her in my heart.


I have been very lucky, she choose me to be her Mummy and I am blessed she wanted me to share her life with her.


Sleep well until we meet again.


“Yet a little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to sleep”  Old Testament (Proverbs)




PS If the passing of someone you love still hurts your heart too much, there is a Chapter on Death in my book.    You don’t have to cope with death alone, reach out to someone and rest your head on the shoulder.   Grieving affects people in different ways and it is important not to expect too much from yourself or the world whilst in such emotional turmoil.   Young people can contact NSPCC  0800 800500 or Cruse  on 0808 8081677.  The Samaritans will listen to anyone regardless of the problem at anytime of the day 0845 7909090


3 thoughts on “It’s sad to say goodbye

  1. I loved reading this, a tough subject to aproach and you did this with grace. Sending you my love and thoughts. Xxxxxx

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