Questions and Answers Section

Lana is happy to help anyone with a problem or dilemma.  She regularly answers questions on Yahoo, please feel free to catch me there or email me via my blog.  The contents of this site are for general information and no reliance should be placed on any statements made on the site, whether for treatment purposes or otherwise. 

I think I’m gay – can you help me?

Hi,  My name is George and I am very confused, see I like girls to talk too but not really attracted to them in the other way.  Would you say I am gay and what can I do.   My mates will laugh at me cause I play rugby for the school team.   Please help me out and tell me what to do, I know you write for girls but wondered if you could give me some advice.

You may need to speak to someone who understands this dilemma more fully but I am happy to help anyone.  Homosexuality means you like men as sexual partners and for women who only fancy women they are lesbians.  If you enjoy both then it is bisexual. 

Luckily, we don’t live in the dark ages anymore and it doesn’t matter what your sexual orientation is.  The key is accepting yourself.   Sometimes it can be difficult to ‘come out’ to family and friends for fear of ridicule.   But by suppressing the ‘real you’ you are just building up problems for yourself and being untrue to you.   It is a big step in admitting this to yourself, let alone your family.

Most family and friends want to see you happy and it might be a bit of a shock but then they will be fine.  After all, your sexual orientation is only one part of your personality and make-up. 

I understand in the tough world of rugby it may be difficult to ‘come out’ to your fellow team mates.  There are lots of sporting people who have come out such as Jason Collins, Gareth Thomas, Orlando Cruz and Matthew Mitchum to name but a few.

Your email didn’t say how old you but you can try the NSPCC helpline or ‘Being Gay is Okay’ for advice and help.

This dilemma may well be causing you current problems with relationships, but you don’t need to go through this process alone.  You may decide after talking things through, you just aren’t ready for any relationship yet either straight or gay.  Not everyone in the world even wants relationships, often preferring their own company.   There is always help and I hope you have the courage to seek advice and guidance along your journey.

Stay strong.  It’s your life always remember that.

  Help I’m pregnant and just 17 I am stressing out!

Please help me I don’t what to do!!!!, Stupid boyfriend got me pregnant.  Wasn’t planned and I thought we were careful but I can’t cope with this.  I haven’t told anyone as I am just too scared.  My parents will go mad.  I’m going mad with this and just don’t know what to do.  Please please can you give me some idea what to do and be quick.   Thanks  Mez

 Lana’s Answer – Hello Mez, No doubt, your thoughts and emotions are all over the place.  First, make sure you are pregnant.  Most home tests give very reliable results these days but you’ll still need to visit your Doctor.  Your Doctor can advise approximately how long you have been pregnant and give you information on your options.

Now what to do 1) go ahead with the pregnancy or 2) not go ahead with the pregnancy.  Before you make any decisions, you will need to talk with someone about the right decision for you.  It can be very daunting to tell your parents, you just imagine they are going to freak out and scream at you.   In practice though, most parents are supportive and caring and just want to help you make the right decision.

Whether to have a baby or not, is a very PERSONAL decision and the ultimate decision has to rest with you.  Do talk through the pros and cons of having a baby. It’s  tough being a parent but it also has immense rewards.  It is YOU, who will have to live with your decision for the rest of your life.  Make sure you are happy with that decision.

Think outside the box, it doesn’t have to be just a choice of have the baby or not.  You might want to consider adoption or fostering.

Ring a number of organisations and chat through your options, consult your parents, your best friend and listen to your heart and head.   Also, have you told your boyfriend?  He might want a say in this but you know whether it is best to talk to him.  It is you who has to carry a child.  Sadly, some guys find they can’t take the stress of being a father at a young age and leave the girl to manage alone.

Suggestions for well-known pregnancy advice lines.

British Pregnancy Advisory Service                    0800 304030

Brook Advisory                                                0800 0185023

Sexwise (making the right decision)                   0800 282930

Take care and take time in your decision making until you are sure it is the right decision.

Lana x

 Question about Sex

Hi, my name is Emma and I need your help, you see what it is, is I love my boyfriend as he is everything I wish for. Trouble is he wants to have sex but I don’t. I’m not scared or anything, just think at 15 I am too young really and want to wait until I am 16 or even 17. I’m thinking he might chuck me and I don’t wanna this happen. What you think I should do?

Lana’s Answer ~ Hello Emma, thank you for asking this question and I am sure there are many girls in the same situation as you. Firstly, well done on having the courage to stand up for what you believe in, that takes guts. Being in love is a wonderful feeling and it is natural to want to make your mate happy. If you haven’t done already, talk to your boyfriend and explain that you do love him but you are not just ready for sex, if he does love you he will wait. You could also explain to him that it is illegal for you to have sex at 15 (you need to be 16 by law to have sex in the UK). If he won’t listen to you now when it really matters to you, will he respect your wishes in the future? How he treats you now is a good indicator as to how he will be with you many years down the line. Hope this helps you and good luck.

Question about pocket money

Hi, I only get £2 pocket money from my Mum but my friends get £5.  I have asked Mum for more but she ain’t got any more.  It isn’t very good because on Sat when I meet my friends at the burger bar, I don’t have enough money and I am embarrassed.  I just tell them I’m not hungry and they think I am dieting.  What can I do to get Mum to give me more money? She is really mean.

Lana’s Answer ~ This is a difficult question and you obviously seem upset at having a different amount of money than your friends.  Not having enough money is always challenging at any age.  There could be many reaons why your Mum gives you £2 pocket money, maybe she doesn’t realise you need more, maybe she doesn’t have anymore to give because she needs it to pay the house bills or buy food.  If she thinks £2 is sufficient then you could try earning some by doing chores around the house say 50p each chore like washing up.  If she doesn’t have anymore to give then you should think yourself lucky that you get £2 rather than £0.  Why not try earning some yourself like a paper round, washing cars for neighbours, walking dogs or babysitting.

 

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